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An excerpt from a blog dated Sept 20, 2007:

"What I've learned so far...

in Introduction to Economics:

Yes, that right. I've learned something in that wretched class. I've learned that life is about scarcity of resources. There is never enough.

not enough sleep

not enough money

not enough time

not enough love

not enough understanding

not enough clarity

not enough discipline

not enough comfort

not enough confidence

not enough faith

not enough passion

not enough organization

not enough of me"

This post went on to explain my Professor's view on economics. He argued that the American way to handle financial problems is to just print more money. We did away with the Gold Standard years ago and have been printing money rampantly ever since. And we see where it has gotten us. When we create more of what we lack, somehow, it just increases our need. Its a snowball effect. My blog continued:

"There is not enough of all these things, but is it possible that having more of these things would not improve my situation? If I were somehow able to manifest passion out of thin air, to just suddenly have more passion... would I have enough? Would more clarity solve my problems? Or would it actually create new problems?

Not that I want less of these things either. By no means am I suggesting that less organization would make my life easier.

However, perhaps the problem has nothing to do with 'having enough.' Maybe the problem rests in seeing things as 'problems.'"

"Not enough" is just a state of mind.

on friends

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my mom about friends, and she asked me a question that I found peculiar at the time, but have thought about quite a bit since. "Don't your friends get mad when you do things without them?" It seemed to odd to me that I didn't even understand the question at first. "Like, you go to a different church than they do. Or Laura hangs out with people from work that you guys don't know. Don't people get mad?" I thought about it for a bit, but it still seemed odd... Why would they care?

It turns out, not everyone is blessed with friends like mine, who value independence as much as I do. In some friend-groups, you do what the group does, and you do not do what the group does not do - to stray from this norm is an act of rebellion worthy of severe scorn. "Why don't you want to hang out with us?" the friends say. "Have we done something wrong? Do you not enjoy our company? Are you too good to do what we do?"

How ridiculous.

And how fantastic it is to be among friends that allow me to be completely me. A group that values individuality, but doesn't require it.

I spent a few days with my sister in Chicago after Christmas, and while it was enjoyable, it was also a bit stressful. Not because my sister and I have a rocky history, and not because my car got stuck in snow and ice everywhere we went, and not even because I was drenched to the bone within minutes of stepping outside. It was stressful because my sister and her friends put such emphasis on individuality that I felt the need to be... extra unique?

She took me to stores where "individuals" shopped, and to the "good" bars, where everyone listened to only local bands and wore clothing they made themselves. It was like a competition among them to see who could be the most off the wall and out of the norm. In one store, my sister said, "isn't this sweater ugly?! I'm totally getting it!"... and she did.

When I went home for Christmas I hadn't been planning to go to Chicago so I only took enough clothes to get me through the 2 days at my parents house: jeans and a few long sleeved t-shirts. While I sat on her couch in my full-on Gap ensemble, my sister ran in and out of her closet trying on outfit after outfit. I read a book, while she stood in front of the mirror. We went to a few bars in an area of town she didn't know very well, and several of them we walked right out of, without hesitation; they were too... I'm not sure of the word, really. But they were filled with what my sister called, "those kind of people" - that is, well-dressed, well-groomed people. Apparently, we don't associate with those kind of people. I didn't tell her that I think I am one.

Coming home was nice, because I got to be around my own friends, who know me and love me. Who require me to be no one but who I am.

A few nights ago, I realized just how special my posse is. We went for a late dinner at a new restaurant we'd heard about. When the food arrived at our table, a well-dressed man that I assumed to be the house manager was assisting our waitress. He commented, "I like your style. Appetizers, desserts, you name it!" I hadn't even noticed. I had eaten a late lunch, so I just got spinach dip. Laura got a dessert sampler. Leslee got salad and calamari. Ryan had coffee.

And none of us noticed until the manager mentioned it. No one asked, "I think I just want dessert... are you getting food? ok i'll get food too. wait, will someone else get dessert with me?" We just ordered what we each wanted and moved on to the real event of the evening, the "Loaded Questions" cards that Laura had brought along in her purse.

I love my friends.